Coffee and Chocolate. Two of my favourite things, two things that could really win my affection. I couldn’t resist and had to redesign the theme of this blog. I am in need of these two things, I want them to surround me constantly on a daily basis, because they make me feel happier which is a good thing and most of all something I desperately need at the moment.
I’m okay but I had two really bad weeks where I couldn’t get anything done because of personal reasons that I wrote about somewhere in February or March this year. It’s not nice having to walk on eggshells all the time or else you’re attacked for no particular reason, since anything you say or do will be a trigger. What I find hard to understand is why it’s not dealt with, but instead taken out on me. Well, it’s dealt with but only when I point out the type of behaviour. I reckon that’s the way it is and has been for quite some time now. That’s when I start to wonder what happened to me.
I trusted the other person not to crush that part of me that was longing to be loved, be vulnerable and open, isn’t that a normal thing to expect from a relationship? Mistake. And I guess I didn’t want to see the signs and therefore have to pay for it these days by having that part of me severely crushed from time to time… So when I have a good day I try to pick up the pieces and try to find myself, the ‘me’ that is known to my friends, to those around me who respect me and accept me for who I am: the vulnerable and strong person, the surviver and fighter…
But I have trouble finding her when I’m crushed again, hurt and in need of comfort and support. Comfort and support doesn’t seem to be within reach ever since I moved country. So if I have a bad day I increase the Seratonin and Phenylethylamine levels by having some chocolate, just a bit, I know my limits. Well… at least when it comes to chocolate.
I wish things were normal again…
Monthly Archives: May 2007
Live…
I didn’t sleep for two nights in a row. I know it would’ve been better if I had, especially after being seriously ill for a whole week. Monday -last week- I decided to work on my website and once I’ll start working I can’t seem to stop. So guess what; I ended up working all night long without taking breaks nor getting some sleep. So no wonder the cold I already had turned into a nasty flu, bad cough, nice wheeze and all. I’ve only got myself to blame. I also had to sort out the html marketing email that day which I promised to design and build for MvdM. his company.
Anyway last night I did the same stupid thing. I’m still not feeling well and I ended up sorting out my website. I really wanted it to be done, it has been too long already and I need something new and a clean design online. So I have again been working for two days ignoring nature’s call for rest and instead drinking lots of coffee in order to get the job done. I must say it is a true great feeling to finally have it live and online. There are only a few tiny little things that I still have to fix and add [another link] but it can wait. I had such a drive last night and the night before I used up that little energy what was left so I really need to get some sleep now!
Later today I will meet up with IvS, my best friend from Scotland who is coming to London with husband FvS to visit the Chelsea flower thingy tomorrow and so tonight we are going for dinner somewhere near Covent Garden. They’re staying at some fancy hotel for the night. Another reason for me to rest… Now go over and have a look at my brand new design and surprise me: let me know what you think and please be nice because I SO deserve it.
Take me there immediately… Tsk –> [I had to remove this link due to circumstances, if you’d like to check it out then leave me a comment please!]