I Choose To

Oh how peaceful and quiet this blog will be again… I’m trying to regulate traffic: I’d one post still that attracted lots of traffic because it was directly linked to an experiment I took part in two years ago. I’ve moved that post to the blog on my business website, so traffic will be redirected to the proper source from the website it was linked to. I like my peace and quiet especially when I feel that what I write is too personal to share with certain people *wink*. Although I often choose to keep that to myself anyway…

I’m getting rid of links to the past because I want to start with a clean slate and live in the ‘now’. No more referring to and living in the past, I’m through with that and it’s about time that things are put away in the drawers since it’s all unnecessary ballast that I no-longer wish to carry around with me. Been busy last week and there’s still more stuff in the pipeline that I can’t tell about yet but whenever I had a moment I’d been reading my ebook -and listening to its audio version at the same time- while taking notes.

It’s extremely helpful but it’s a bit of a project… one not to be taken lightly… It’s necessary to write a proper plan and think about certain issues and subjects while trying -at the same time- to reprogram your mind and your way of thinking. And if those ways and convictions have been engrained for donkey years than it’s quite the challenge trying to change that. But… I noticed that it works: it makes me feel great if I manage to struggle through another chapter, writing down what I choose/want to remember.

Today I need to wish to update my folio and convert it to a pdf file so I can send it out. And I have to would like to write a letter as well. See how I still make the same mistakes? I don’t have to do anything: I choose to do something *wink* That’s the kind of thing this book teaches you and it feels kind of liberating if you succeed in making these ‘simple’ changes because somehow you can feel the weight being lifted of your shoulders… I like this approach and I guess it’s what I need in my life right now…

I -once again- had to deal with a few disappointments last week (when do I get that well-deserved break? *raising hands to heaven*) but I’m not giving up… far from it… So I’m off again because spring is here, the sun is shining, gorgeous spring flowers like Snowdrops (my favourite) poke their heads above the ground and it lifts my spirit. And while I’m in this mood, I’d like to design a new pdf folio, write a letter and make a follow-up call later today about a new exciting project…

p.s. I’m not around much these days so it might take a bit longer for me to reply to emails or comments…

Gorgeous Snowdrops

Floating and Drifting

I was at my dear friend and ex-colleague C.’s party last night which was a blast, I had a great time meeting lots of (new) people and talking to other ex-colleagues I hadn’t seen in a while. Some of them I hadn’t seen in three years: ever since I left for London. It was so good to talk to them again after such a long time, it made me realise how much I’ve missed having colleagues, especially these colleagues who were thrilled to see me!

It also made me realise something else, last night it seemed so much easier to connect with other people being there on my own in a room full of -mostly- strangers. I felt like a butterfly floating through the room from one conversation to another with different people without really having to make an effort. I remember the days where that was totally different and I wonder if it was because I was still in a ‘relationship‘ -at the time-…

Last night I realised I was starting to find myself again after being stuck in a situation that had made me become extremely self-conscious and insecure. That had left a deep crater at the surface and a roaring all-consuming fire underneath to break free from the chains and be ‘me’ again. Yesterday I was ‘me’, there was no pretending, no wallflower syndrome, just a total transparent honest ‘me’, the person I was before I got lost.

So besides having a great time and feel happy I can’t really explain what it was like to feel a certain kind of freedom again, to be in a situation where others acknowledge your presence and accept you as ‘a whole’. ‘A whole’ because that’s what I am, what I always should’ve been, what I was and what I’ve found again… And it feels great to see what kind of effect it has, not just on me but on others as well: it’s a much richer experience.

The caterpillar just became a butterfly again, now let me fly… fly… fly…

©Dana Helmig