I received a letter from my mum today. I admire her strength because even though she has rheumatoid arthritis she still writes and sends me letters every now and then. There’s been very little communication between my mum and me for years because there was no trust. I always felt like I couldn’t honestly say what I wanted to say. I did once tell her how I felt about things after my father passed away and she hung up on me. I tried many times but it doesn’t seem to work so I gave up in a way. What’s the point if someone refuses to listen to you or literally ignore you or what you are trying to tell them?
Ever since I moved to the UK, I have been sending her little surprises, a nicely wrapped gift box with over a hundred pictures in them, I’ve printed them and cut them myself. Each set of pictures wrapped in nice golden tissue paper along with a very long detailed letter. I’ve sent her another parcel on her birthday in February and ordered a book for her which was delivered the next day. So I make sure I’ll send her those little messages of appreciation and I try not to have any expectations in return.
So each time a letter gets in I’m eager to open it and read it. She was very positive in this letter and she told me she was happy with the set of pictures I sent her for her birthday and the beautiful book. She feels lonely ever since my father passed away and is having a hard time moving on, it will be five years ago this October. I can relate to her loneliness and deep down I hope she will find the strength to move on and leave the past for what it is, it is only holding her back and making her feel miserable. I’m not allowed to tell her, it upsets her.
So whenever I write her back I always emphasise her strength, because I do admire her strength. I guess she is just too insecure to realise what power she holds within. So I won’t stop sending her little tokens of love and appreciation, no matter what she does with them. Hopefully one day she will be able to set her self free from her past and everything related to that so she can enjoy life as it is… and truly live.
Tag Archives: Mum
Homesick
It just hit me earlier, out of the blue, out of nowhere… I was preparing lunch and my mind wandered off thinking about my friends and my mother. She had a stroke and it’s bothering me. She recovered well enough to send me a letter; I received it last week, she sounds very confused and didn’t finish some sentences. Perhaps I feel homesick because I’ve only been working lately, trying to finish a never ending project, my portfolio and website. Or maybe because I had a slice of rye crisp bread with peanut butter [Teso’s which is not as nice as Calvé]. I don’t know what caused it but I’m happy that we didn’t move to New Zealand or Australia in the end. If this gets worse I can at least book a plane and be in Amsterdam in an hour…
Craving