Tag Archives: Compassion

Observations

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It’s interesting what you’ll discover if you look at certain friendships from a distance, without getting involved. I’ve kept my distance to see if what I was feeling and suspecting would be confirmed. Patience and waiting to see what would happen next showed me some interesting angles and made me decide to stay invisible for a while.

When in a relationship, people -especially women- tend to lose their personal identity. I’ve seen it happen too many times at very close range. I haven’t mentioned anything because it’s not my place to do so and I definitely believe that the people in question need to figure it out themselves without any interference of others. They’re probably not ready anyway…

Loss of identity usually starts slowly. Compromise is necessary to a successful relationship, but being in a relationship shouldn’t change who you are, it should add to your personality but never take away from it.. So to stay independent, as in having a healthy balance of being needed and needing people, one should take time to do things apart from a partner.

This means compromise on both parts and not making any kind of sacrifice that would allow you to merge with the other, it means spend time with your friends and have your own life and space as an individual, it means that someone who truly loves you will encourage you to keep your personal identity and creativity and allow you to seek who you are.

I’ve decided to stay invisible and retreat, when the time is right I will be there but for now I’ve chosen to put myself first instead of others. I’ve stayed in touch but didn’t hear back in months. It’s okay because I’ve learnt by trial and error and I don’t need others to define me. Being an ‘ex-merger’ I definitely know now how to keep my own space and identity.

I’ve tried my best and focusing on my own life is more important to me at the moment than wondering about others. I’m lucky to have found someone who encourages me and who is giving me time to grow. Who is happy for me that I’m about to take the first step and who believes in me and tells me ‘that I can do it!…’ I wouldn’t want it any other way…

The Ice Queen

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Why is it that some devious mothers find pleasure in mentally castrating their sons when they’re still boys, so it leaves them unable to acknowledge and recognise the difference between manipulation and unconditional acceptance later in life as adults? Why is it that these women choose their own ego over the wellbeing of their child and scar them for life instead?

The victims -of course- don’t realise most of the time that they’ve become a copy of the manipulative and destructive ways of what was supposed to be a good role model mum. She created a man with the -still attached- umbilical cord wrapped around his throat, ready to slowly suffocate him whenever she isn’t pleased with him…

She never needed words to show her disapproval of the other girls and women in her son’s life. She taught him instantly while he was still a baby; she would turn into the ice queen whenever he did something ‘wrong’. Her cold-hearted behaviour rubbed off well and over time all it would take was silence or a certain look to cause the guilt.

She created the perfect ‘Pavlov’s dog’ by changing a unique human being into nothing but a conditioned reflex, a mirror image of herself: unable to love, unable to feel, unable to commit, unable to be his true nature. He’s just a sad reflex consumed by extremes, money, lust, career and superficial and conditional behaviour towards those around him.

If he’s lucky, the boy will learn what is real one day, the moment the adult in him opens up to someone who represents the exact opposite of his superficial hag of a mum. Perhaps he’ll start to heal and learn to accept the new and unconditional, and steer clear of the unhealthy relationship and the damage it’s causing, it will be the finale of the worship.

Perhaps he will finally cut the cord and see through the evil deceiving scheme. She no longer will be able to provoke the guilt-ridden boy in him and he’ll be free from the chains, free to learn what real qualities are in life. And he’ll realise and learn that no amount of money will be able to compensate for what he’ll experience next and how disconnected he was from his true nature.