Tag Archives: Annoyance

It Doesn’t Sit Well…

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I had some struggles with a friend the other day and it doesn’t sit well with me… Why? Coz it’s been the second time where I felt like: what on earth is going on? What are the real reasons for biting my head off over absolutely nothing. I don’t like to be criticized while I’m doing the best I can. I don’t like being given ‘advice’ when assumptions are made without asking questions first to get the facts straight.

I don’t like someone telling me what to do without checking with me first whether I’ve tried all options or not: it clearly shows a lack of trust in me to do what is right for me which is not necessarily right for you… I definitely don’t like someone implying that I should try harder either. Don’t tell me what to do or how to feel, just don’t. I’ve become allergic to people like that ever since my previous relationship.

But all of that isn’t what is not sitting well with me, it’s the fact that I’m used as an emotional punchbag… twice now (first time Aug 2008)… I can understand emotional pressure, and I can even understand some reasons for lashing out at someone. But all I did was being nice and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that even though there might have been valid reasons. I refuse to be anyone’s emotional punchbag.

I feel it’s not right to compare problems and imply that I have no reasons to complain and be negative -which I wasn’t, I was merely stating facts after doing extensive research for months- it’s called being realistic. Everyone has his/her own cross to bear and one isn’t ‘worse’ than the other, they’re just different. It’s no point projecting your problem on others and you definitely can’t tell others how to feel.

Yes I care and empathise but I don’t like being the punchbag, it just happened one time too many… So I’ll stay in my own quiet corner of the Universe for now. All I said that day was, that after trying the best I could for months, I now wanted to live in the present not the past. I took responsibility and focused on an important job application. And because I did over the last two months, it got me where I am today.

My strength was, that I continued to fight for my goals, being realistic at the same time. Knowing what I could achieve and what I couldn’t whilst dealing with bureaucracy, rules and regulations. I don’t see anything negative in that, it got me where I wanted to be and I will continue to do so. Perhaps one day the blinkers will disappear but till then I’ll keep a certain distance because I feel it’s the best thing to do for now.

I wish you strength my friend…

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

Assertiveness

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I’ve just sent an email that has been sitting for months in my outbox waiting to be send. It actually felt good to finally press that send button after such a long time. A couple of months might not seem long but the issue mentioned in that email has been going on for four years already, ever since I left to live in London.

At the time me and the ex sold our fine VW to a friend of mine for 2200 euro: a bargain. We had to arrange certain things at the very last moment which caused a few problems with certain papers but it was solved when we’d arrived in the UK. Up to date -almost four years later- I still haven’t received a darn pence…

Since those involved were trying to sell their business the ex had agreed with them to postpone the payback until the business was sold so they could return the money in one go instead of tiny installments. The business was sold October last year so guess what… I’m still waiting for any financial results coming my way.

After hearing one excuse after another over the last six months I’m now officially fed up with the situation. I stood up for them; put my trust in them being the middlewoman whenever the ex lost his patience in the past, trying to make him see that he could trust them to pay. Seems that he might be right after all…

I’ve learnt to be more assertive during this course that I’m taking and whenever I mention the above situation to someone they keep asking me why I didn’t set my boundaries yet because someone who treats you like that ain’t a friend. I realised I have been making up excuses for this friend as well, trying to talk things right.

Perhaps I was trying to solve things in a polite manner, hoping to restrain the damage but when I think about all this I cannot deny that the damage is already done and certainly not by me. I’ve lost patience and I’m tired of hearing one excuse/promise after another while nothing concrete has been done so far as in payments.

I’m so through with this… I decided this morning to no longer postpone that email nor give her the benefit of the doubt so instead I sent it and made sure that she knows how I feel about the situation: disappointed in her and a 15 years friendship, betrayed, angry, out of patience, tired of making up excuses for her behaviour.

It actually felt quite good once that email was sent… I have some more to deal with soon. One person I’m giving another week’s time to respond since there has been a two weeks vacation. If I don’t hear anything by then, then it’s time to send out another email stating how I feel about things… Hurray for assertiveness!

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