Tag Archives: Acquaintance

Bear Fruit

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‘According to trend watchers, defriending will be the trend. Large numbers of people will delete vague acquaintances from their networking sites, such as Facebook, and Linkedin, because they only want to keep quality contacts. It has to do with slowing down, the need for quality time, and perhaps some network site fatigue, according to all sorts of trend blogs, which seem to echo each other.’

I just read the above snippet in an online newspaper, it confirms my feeling about the whole networking issue. I’ve mentioned in a previous post that someone refuses to reply to a friendly email that I’d sent responding to the invitation that I received from the same person. In the meantime I’ve sent another email making her aware of her non-responsive manners. I told her that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to stay in touch but that I’d like to know where I stand. So far no reaction… I was assertive but friendly so obviously the next friendly thing to do is to defriend her from the network.

I’ve always seemed to look for excuses or reasons to justify other people’s behaviour but I’ve learnt over the last few weeks that the only way to find out what’s on a person’s mind is to be clear about things and be straightforward, in other words assertive. I’m not used to being assertive and I have put myself in situations that became utterly frustrating because of this. I take full responsibility and I can’t blame others for misreading my mixed signals. I’ve changed my ways, since it didn’t make me happy having to deal with the consequences and I’ve noticed that it started to bear fruit!

If I can get rid of clutter in boxes than I should definitely be able to get rid of the clutter in my social life. The other situation seems to be slightly improving as well although I’m reluctant to trust this person to keep her promise and pay me back my money. The good thing is that if there’s no progress soon that I’ve collected enough facts to see a solicitor over time and trust me, I will… the friendship is finished as far as I’m concerned. It hurts in a way, because I’ve know this person for a long time but she broke my trust many times over the last three year so it’s best for me to let go and move on.

I have some exciting news but it’s all depending on a few circumstances so I’m going to be a bit cautious. I’ve had to deal with so many disappointments that I’ve decided not to mention anything until there is some real results. That way I won’t have expectations and I won’t disappoint myself if things are canceled once again. One has to do with a possible job offer the other has to do with a new study that I’ll start and a future plan I’m working on that involves a partner in crime… I’ve teamed up with someone but it’s all still very fresh so we have to discuss the details and plan soon.

If all goes well, I will let go of the old career slowly while preparing for the new career. I’ll have a meeting on the 8th of June to see if the study is what I expect it to be. If so, than I’ll need to prepare a case to make sure that I’ll get the funding. I have a lot of work to do in the next couple of months but it feels good to be working on my future… it does! I already met some really nice people who offered help even when I didn’t ask, they just did… Those are the kind of people I’d like to surround myself with, people who appreciate you for who you are, quality contacts and possible friends…

It all starts to bear fruit!

© Dreamstime – Mouthwatering

Assertiveness

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I’ve just sent an email that has been sitting for months in my outbox waiting to be send. It actually felt good to finally press that send button after such a long time. A couple of months might not seem long but the issue mentioned in that email has been going on for four years already, ever since I left to live in London.

At the time me and the ex sold our fine VW to a friend of mine for 2200 euro: a bargain. We had to arrange certain things at the very last moment which caused a few problems with certain papers but it was solved when we’d arrived in the UK. Up to date -almost four years later- I still haven’t received a darn pence…

Since those involved were trying to sell their business the ex had agreed with them to postpone the payback until the business was sold so they could return the money in one go instead of tiny installments. The business was sold October last year so guess what… I’m still waiting for any financial results coming my way.

After hearing one excuse after another over the last six months I’m now officially fed up with the situation. I stood up for them; put my trust in them being the middlewoman whenever the ex lost his patience in the past, trying to make him see that he could trust them to pay. Seems that he might be right after all…

I’ve learnt to be more assertive during this course that I’m taking and whenever I mention the above situation to someone they keep asking me why I didn’t set my boundaries yet because someone who treats you like that ain’t a friend. I realised I have been making up excuses for this friend as well, trying to talk things right.

Perhaps I was trying to solve things in a polite manner, hoping to restrain the damage but when I think about all this I cannot deny that the damage is already done and certainly not by me. I’ve lost patience and I’m tired of hearing one excuse/promise after another while nothing concrete has been done so far as in payments.

I’m so through with this… I decided this morning to no longer postpone that email nor give her the benefit of the doubt so instead I sent it and made sure that she knows how I feel about the situation: disappointed in her and a 15 years friendship, betrayed, angry, out of patience, tired of making up excuses for her behaviour.

It actually felt quite good once that email was sent… I have some more to deal with soon. One person I’m giving another week’s time to respond since there has been a two weeks vacation. If I don’t hear anything by then, then it’s time to send out another email stating how I feel about things… Hurray for assertiveness!

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