Category Archives: Friends

Step One And A Half

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I was disappointed yesterday and slightly down in a way because I had high expectations about this study and its arrangements and I feel that the responsible organisation hasn’t been clear about things at all. Yesterday some facts were revealed that -to me- made it all look less bright and wonderful and I ended up in deep thinkers mode. There are only four places available while they left the impression that there would be at least 10 to 15…

There were about 28 people in the room and about three decided not to go for it after we were given a presentation: do the maths… One fact was about wages which will be extremely low during the study which will be spread over three years. Once you’ve passed your exams your pay will be slightly higher. Another fact that surfaced was the level of education which is lower than I was told so I’d need to add three more years of study.

Ever since I came home yesterday I had been thinking about what I should do and I couldn’t make up my mind. I really needed to talk to someone close today and exchange thoughts, so I rang C. at the academy. I knew he would be able to answer some of my questions that were causing doubts. By the time we hung up -an hour plus later- I was feeling positive again because of his advice and enthusiasm and full of energy to start the process.

I’ll have to write a motivational letter and might have to retake the competence test. If I’ll go through to the second round I’ll have to have a chat with the employer and take a study assessment test. It all seems pretty strict so it’s gonna be interesting to see what will happen these next couple of weeks. I’m gonna be busy… Today I also received a request from a client to design an ad to send to wholesalers and to update the website for xMas.

While I was cleaning out one of my external hard discs I ran into a smaller version of the image below. I’d forgotten about it, about taking it but it put a smile on my face and because of that I’ve decided to post the bigger version. I miss my little friend…

I miss him…

Floating and Drifting

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I was at my dear friend and ex-colleague C.’s party last night which was a blast, I had a great time meeting lots of (new) people and talking to other ex-colleagues I hadn’t seen in a while. Some of them I hadn’t seen in three years: ever since I left for London. It was so good to talk to them again after such a long time, it made me realise how much I’ve missed having colleagues, especially these colleagues who were thrilled to see me!

It also made me realise something else, last night it seemed so much easier to connect with other people being there on my own in a room full of -mostly- strangers. I felt like a butterfly floating through the room from one conversation to another with different people without really having to make an effort. I remember the days where that was totally different and I wonder if it was because I was still in a ‘relationship‘ -at the time-…

Last night I realised I was starting to find myself again after being stuck in a situation that had made me become extremely self-conscious and insecure. That had left a deep crater at the surface and a roaring all-consuming fire underneath to break free from the chains and be ‘me’ again. Yesterday I was ‘me’, there was no pretending, no wallflower syndrome, just a total transparent honest ‘me’, the person I was before I got lost.

So besides having a great time and feel happy I can’t really explain what it was like to feel a certain kind of freedom again, to be in a situation where others acknowledge your presence and accept you as ‘a whole’. ‘A whole’ because that’s what I am, what I always should’ve been, what I was and what I’ve found again… And it feels great to see what kind of effect it has, not just on me but on others as well: it’s a much richer experience.

The caterpillar just became a butterfly again, now let me fly… fly… fly…

©Dana Helmig