Category Archives: Dirty Secrets

Out with The Old in with The New

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My ‘friend’… I don’t mind seeing you go since it seems you are in denial of my happiness, my life, my job and everything that defines me. When I sense envy instead and reluctance to nurture the relationship, than I guess you were right to be so quick to ‘unfriend’ and ‘block’ me on Facebook, for pointing this out to you. I guess the truth hits hard a times… :roll:

You barely respond to my emails not to mention react on the things that -you know- are important to me. You refuse to reply to my comments left for you on FB and instead turn this into a one-way street where all you do is absorb the attention you get from others. Life is not just about you. Perhaps that is a tough thing for you to grasp but it ain’t. Wake up call!

It’s sad that it has to be like this after such a long time, but I guess I haven’t been happy with the friendship nor with you and your reactions for a while now, but each time you’ve managed to brush it off. If you don’t want to be an active part of the communication process, it’s time for me to leave the relationship behind and gladly move on.

Yes I feel sorry for you that a certain issue in your life is happening and that you are scared of what the future will bring for you and your children. But it doesn’t mean that the world revolves around you and you only. Every person on this planet has got his or her own problems. You either deal with it or you don’t but don’t expect the ostrich attitude from me.

If you want others to be there for you when you need them, it might be wise to at least show some interest and care in case the day will come where you need them. I guess the fact that you immediately ‘unfriended’ and blocked me -after I told you my truth and how I felt about the situation-, says it all really. It was the kind of confirmation I was expecting.

It made me chuckle… As did your question about where my blog had gone? (..) It has been here since about ‘forever’… If you would’ve been interested in my life thus this blog, you would’ve known. So yes, that question seriously raised my eyebrow. I no longer feel comfortable being myself or sharing parts of my life with you, so it’s time to move on.

I have revalued my expectations and this friendship and I’m thru, I’m not your doormat whenever it suits you nor will I be your Facebook self-esteem booster whilst you play your well performed attention-seeker role. I’m actually quite happy with the way you left things; fact is that my personal growth has completely outgrown you and this friendship.

Thanks for making that perfectly clear, I can let go of something I’ve tried to hold on to for way way too long! It now can be replaced by something bigger and more beautiful :)

I do not open up the truth to one who is not eager to get knowledge, nor help out any one who is not anxious to explain himself. When I have presented one corner of a subject to any one, and he cannot from it learn the other three, I do not repeat my lesson.

It Doesn’t Sit Well…

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I had some struggles with a friend the other day and it doesn’t sit well with me… Why? Coz it’s been the second time where I felt like: what on earth is going on? What are the real reasons for biting my head off over absolutely nothing. I don’t like to be criticized while I’m doing the best I can. I don’t like being given ‘advice’ when assumptions are made without asking questions first to get the facts straight.

I don’t like someone telling me what to do without checking with me first whether I’ve tried all options or not: it clearly shows a lack of trust in me to do what is right for me which is not necessarily right for you… I definitely don’t like someone implying that I should try harder either. Don’t tell me what to do or how to feel, just don’t. I’ve become allergic to people like that ever since my previous relationship.

But all of that isn’t what is not sitting well with me, it’s the fact that I’m used as an emotional punchbag… twice now (first time Aug 2008)… I can understand emotional pressure, and I can even understand some reasons for lashing out at someone. But all I did was being nice and I didn’t deserve to be treated like that even though there might have been valid reasons. I refuse to be anyone’s emotional punchbag.

I feel it’s not right to compare problems and imply that I have no reasons to complain and be negative -which I wasn’t, I was merely stating facts after doing extensive research for months- it’s called being realistic. Everyone has his/her own cross to bear and one isn’t ‘worse’ than the other, they’re just different. It’s no point projecting your problem on others and you definitely can’t tell others how to feel.

Yes I care and empathise but I don’t like being the punchbag, it just happened one time too many… So I’ll stay in my own quiet corner of the Universe for now. All I said that day was, that after trying the best I could for months, I now wanted to live in the present not the past. I took responsibility and focused on an important job application. And because I did over the last two months, it got me where I am today.

My strength was, that I continued to fight for my goals, being realistic at the same time. Knowing what I could achieve and what I couldn’t whilst dealing with bureaucracy, rules and regulations. I don’t see anything negative in that, it got me where I wanted to be and I will continue to do so. Perhaps one day the blinkers will disappear but till then I’ll keep a certain distance because I feel it’s the best thing to do for now.

I wish you strength my friend…

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~Arnold Schwarzenegger