Category Archives: Journey

Where to start?

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I guess… where I left off…

Much has changed since and much still continues to change. I’ve had a one-year contract offered after I’ve had a second interview and after I had to successfully complete an extremely difficult (IQ) test. But then the financial crisis hit this country again and I had to wait for a year until I got hired. I now have an indefinite contract and I’ve been with this company for over a year already. I have different roles for different projects at different companies. My last project started at the beginning of this year and will finish by the end of this month. They might extend the project so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I’ve been doing serious soul searching for a long time and found out that whenever I focus on something that I really want, I will get it. Life has been another rough ride in the meantime but I guess everyone has their ups and downs. I’m living in the city again that I once had left to move countries. I feel I have a love-hate relationship with it since I can’t get used to the crowded streets, the noise, the aggression and the egocentric attitude of most. At times I do not feel at home here at all but I guess that has to do with the fact that I had moved countries. I feel I don’t belong here and it’s a restless feeling.

Life made a 360 for me and I guess that had all to do with being focused on getting things back, start allover again from scratch and write a new chapter in a new book. But some chapters probably will remain the same even in a new book… I’ve received a letter a few days ago from someone dear to me, someone who has been there for me whenever I needed to talk to her. Someone who helped me when I had worries or when I couldn’t see a silver lining. The letter said she had been ill for two months, ill from chemotherapy since she had been treated for malignant bone cancer.

It came as a total shock to me and I guess I still am in shock in a way. I’m going to write a letter because I haven’t spoken with her in a year. I was too preoccupied (…) She doesn’t want people to call which I can understand. So writing(!) is the best I can do for now. I just didn’t find the right paper yet because I want it to be something special. Stuff like that makes you think and I mean really think… So that’s probably why I felt the need to write a first post again in years. I’ve had the urge for a while already but I kept postponing it. Silly -I know- but each time I tried, something got in the way and I had to set other priorities.

I really really needed the break and this is hopefully the start of that new chapter. More to come soon…

New Light

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I’ve been updating the design of this website on and off, it’s a work in progress still and something that needs to be done in my spare time which is a luxury these days. I miss blogging and lately I have felt a strong urge to start writing again and pick up where I’ve left. There has been such a change in my life that I can’t even think of what to write first. Fact is though that it has and most in an extremely positive way. I’ve written about part of the changes in my previous post and how I felt I needed to redefine this blog.

So I have but it is going to show over time at a slow pace. Since I’ve started this blog as a personal diary about 10 years ago I have decided to unpublish some post that are no longer of any ‘use’ to me. They’re archived and I guess will be deleted at some point (or not). It’s still something I need to figure out, think about and make a decision. Some things I’d like to put behind me, some posts that I’ve written are fading memories that I’d either like to keep in my heart or like to forget. The latter is the reason for archiving or deleting: I am past that point and I have moved on, I’ve used it as a written waypoint at the time when I needed to stop, rethink and take action.

So ever since my last post, there has been personal turmoil on the side as well, pretty intense and undesirable but it’s the kind of stuff I do not wish to write about. It’s the kind of stuff that has been solved over time by giving it time to be solved if that makes sense. It might be best to let quiet take over and listen to what you’re being told by the Universe, I mean truly listen. And although my heart is still hurt at times, I’ve solved issues by being compassionate and learn to trust again which is the hardest part. Yes there has been damage but nothing that the strong-minded goat can’t cope with.

I’ve promised myself to focus ahead since I want to move away from deceitful scum and start with a clean slate. Ignoring the pathetic and childish stalker actions of the psychopathic cretin is one for instance. So here I am, slowly starting to write again and putting the past where it belongs: in the past. I feel like spring cleaning. Getting rid of the stuffy cretin -and other particles for that matter- that instantly make you cough or sneeze when lifted by sudden atmospheric velocity. It’s time to open the doors and let the light right in and sweep the dirt right out… :)