Category Archives: Creativity

Copper Issue

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I’ve been trying new techniques and new materials for my jewellery lately but I seem to be stuck at the moment as I’m trying to find a solution for some problems I ran into. The idea that is on my mind is a cool one but in order to get it done I need to try things that -to me- are scary in a way. Each tool I use that needs a combination of speed and something sharp in order to do what it’s supposed to do I feel utterly uncomfortable with. Tools like a circular saw or a Dremel metal drill bit, a high speed cutter, or even the fast rotating Dremel carbon steel brushes/abrasive buffs I’ve used for polishing. Yes I’ve used them all but I was and am hesitant to do so because I know myself well enough ;)

I can be extremely preoccupied, thinking too many thoughts at once or trying to do several things at the same time. If I’m in such a mood I turn into a living disaster the moment I’d use my cordless Dremel or any other tool. Trust me I’ve done it before ending up cutting myself or letting the tool slip or worse. I guess it also has to do with getting older and getting more aware of lingering dangerous situations. The first time I’ve used a circular saw was in 2000 (17 years ago) when I had just moved into my new apartment where I was renovating the kitchen all by myself. I had lent the saw from a friend who lived nearby and since there was no-one around to help me I had to figure it out myself.

I’ve renovated the kitchen cabinets with a new kitchen worktop and had to make a hole to fit the sink in plus I made four more triangular shelves of the leftover bit. The worktop had a round edge profile which I wanted at the front of the shelves. So I had to fit it in the corner which was not exactly in a 90° angle as the walls didn’t have a flat surface, there were bumps in the plaster everywhere. But I’ve managed. Yes I was scared to use that tool as I had never used it before and had no idea how fast it would be or how it would behave whilst going through the wood. Would it be a smooth experience, would it go fast, would it slip away. etc., etc. Would I be careful enough to handle it?

I’ve fixed so many things over the years without hesitation, piping throughout the apartment, several old Vaillant geysers MAG 125/7.1 TZ which needed cleaning and fixing, gas heaters and so forth. Apart from renovations I’ve also always redecorated each apartment I’ve moved into myself, so I guess I could say I’m quite the DIY gal ;) Still these speedy power tools, make me feel uncomfortable the moment I have to use one which results in postponing what needs to be done in order to get to the next step of the design process. For this particular idea I have used copper piping which I have cut into rings with all different widths. Subsequently the rings need to be attached to each other.

The cutting is done by hand so there was no fear factor involved just yet but as I want to attach them to each other I will have to drill holes in each ring. I’ll also have to smoothen the edges because the cutter has left it very sharp. I recently cut myself when I took one of the rings to measure my wire wrapping design. I’ll use my Dremel to drill the holes with a very thin drill bit and perhaps to smoothen the edges of the rings as well. I still need to look into that particular part (mark the word ‘still’ ;) ) as I have been ‘busy’ looking for alternative solutions. Copper piping also gets really hot, I’ve noticed the first time I made a hole and I f… up my drill, I’m prepared this time: I’ve bought 3 spare drills :shock:

In my mind -whilst thinking about solutions- I was adding the additional horror value in case something would go wrong. I’ve read too many stories about broken cutting disks and hot flying fragments at colossal speed and the damage they can do (yes I wear safety glasses but still). I think I can retrace this reaction to a childhood memory where I’m sitting at my mum’s sewing machine -eight years old- sewing a nightdress when at some point the needle breaks. I felt it hit my cheeck at the time, only a few centimeters from my left eye. Ever since, ‘velocity’, ‘sharp-edged’, ‘high speed’ and ‘rotating’ used in one sentence causes me to try and find a workaround that is less scary to me.

See how I move around in circles? :roll: I think it’s time to get out of my comfort zone and ‘just do it’… The pillar drills is set and waiting to be used for weeks now. Guess I’ll be reporting back soon :cool:

Given Time

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I need to get things out of my system today and writing is one option that works quite well for me. I’ve been sleeping very badly ever since I’ve been ill for three weeks in December last year. Somehow my sleeping pattern got totally messed up. At times I’m awake till four or even six in the morning having to get up at 06.30 to get to work. During the day I tend to nod off around 15.00 and 16.00 or on my way home on the train. I’m just way too tired.

When in bed I try to relax a bit by playing Sudoku on my mobile but after a while I get fed up with it and will try to sleep but the moment I do the movie in my head starts and it won’t stop. I just keep thinking about things, life, expectations, hopes, my quest and most of all fears. Fear seems to stop me each time from whatever it is I really want from life. Last weekend I had finally finished a cool jewellery design because I’d found the right materials.

So I had this wonderful happy blissful feeling all day long. I realised I had solved a problem that had been stuck in the back of my head for almost two years. The solution saves me time, expenses and the feeling I could seriously mess up a design has completely vanished. It has opened up a new world of endless possibilities and instant gratification. I was so excited I couldn’s sleep at all, thinking about these questions in life that remain no matter what I do.

Fear is keeping me from making a decision, it’s holding me back from what I love to do most and what makes me happy. So I wonder why I don’t make that decision when all I’m getting are extremely positive reactions and a really good feeling about myself. Instead I choose to continue with a job that nolonger gives me any satisfaction no matter how I look at it. I remain in that exact same spot while if I wanted it, really wanted it, I could make things work.

Why would I choose this nagging unhappy feeling above the euphoric state I was in when I accomplished something? I really don’t get it. Is it fear? Fear of what? Staying awake half the night thinking things thru over and over again is not going to do me any good either so why am I doing this to myself? Why is it so extremely hard to go for what I really want wholeheartedly? At times I feel like shouting to myself to awaken me from this bad self-inflicted nonsense.

The other day I was thinking to myself: ‘Tess, if you don’t do this now, you’ll never do it, you’d be running out of time’. All the signs are pointing into the same direction, everything is screaming at me somehow. I can’t just ignore it. It happened too often and with an amazing strong force. People are extremely positive, even encouraging me to take the leap. And yet I stop myself from doing it. Today when I looked at a FB page of an artist I admire, I read the following:

‘All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us’

I wrote it down in my Passion Planner so I can decorate it and turn it into a piece of art that can’t be overlooked or neglected. So if you’ll excuse me for a while… I have a decision to make ;)