It’s interesting what you’ll discover if you look at certain friendships from a distance, without getting involved. I’ve kept my distance to see if what I was feeling and suspecting would be confirmed. Patience and waiting to see what would happen next showed me some interesting angles and made me decide to stay invisible for a while.
When in a relationship, people -especially women- tend to lose their personal identity. I’ve seen it happen too many times at very close range. I haven’t mentioned anything because it’s not my place to do so and I definitely believe that the people in question need to figure it out themselves without any interference of others. They’re probably not ready anyway…
Loss of identity usually starts slowly. Compromise is necessary to a successful relationship, but being in a relationship shouldn’t change who you are, it should add to your personality but never take away from it.. So to stay independent, as in having a healthy balance of being needed and needing people, one should take time to do things apart from a partner.
This means compromise on both parts and not making any kind of sacrifice that would allow you to merge with the other, it means spend time with your friends and have your own life and space as an individual, it means that someone who truly loves you will encourage you to keep your personal identity and creativity and allow you to seek who you are.
I’ve decided to stay invisible and retreat, when the time is right I will be there but for now I’ve chosen to put myself first instead of others. I’ve stayed in touch but didn’t hear back in months. It’s okay because I’ve learnt by trial and error and I don’t need others to define me. Being an ‘ex-merger’ I definitely know now how to keep my own space and identity.
I’ve tried my best and focusing on my own life is more important to me at the moment than wondering about others. I’m lucky to have found someone who encourages me and who is giving me time to grow. Who is happy for me that I’m about to take the first step and who believes in me and tells me ‘that I can do it!…’ I wouldn’t want it any other way…
I know what you mean very well. And I often see it in others, and know there’s nothing I could go, because frankly, when it comes to me, I’m not as insightful
Congratulations on having found somebody who encourages you to be you. I know someone like that too, but somehow I can’t fall in love with him. I think I just like to suffer 
Hey BC, ‘you can’t make a blind man see’
If people are not ready to see what is going on then it’s no use to try to explain the situation to them. Don’t be too hard on yourself, I’ve been there done that too and I still didn’t learn. After all those years I ended up in a foreign country on my own because I ignored the signs. I think what you and I need to learn is to love yourself first and put yourself first, only then you’ll be ready for the right person and that’s why you still can’t fall in love with the ‘good guy’
Hope you’re feeling much much better by now! Hugs dearie!