Easter Eggs

I’m still recovering from an intense Easter Sunday so I’m not sure if what I will write in my post will make any sense. I guess I shouldn’t even try… Yesterday I went over to MvdM. and W.’s to spend the day there: eating, drinking, playing silly games and having fun. It’s been a while since I’ve had tears of laughter watching a guy doing a lap dance and totally cracking me up. It’s been a while since I took the piss out of friends because they couldn’t stand losing a silly game[s]. I came home at 06.45 this morning feeling totally knackered and ready to catch up on some sleep. After six hours of rest I still feel like I’m not on this planet so I haven’t done much today which is ok I guess. I’m just gonna have a slow day/evening and relax a bit.

MvdM. and W. cooked a lovely dinner yesterday and for the third time in my life I had lamb, which to some might seem as something not worth mentioning, but since this is the country of ‘lamb dinners’, admitting to anyone British, that you don’t like lamb is like committing an offence. So when MvdM. mentioned it the other day, I cautiously tried to explain to him that it’s not really one of my favourite dishes [shank], but I was willing to give it a try. I don’t like the strong flavour and the only two times I had it, the meat was either barbecued [chops] or minced [shish kebab]. Anything that is slightly gamey puts me off but I tried and I must say, I kind of liked it, although I probably would never order it at a restaurant. I had a traditional Sunday roast and it was good but I’d rather watch those lambs being silly.

It’s weird but even though I had a great Easter I can’t shake off that feeling of realisation and feeling sad on days like these. I had a tough, long, four-days-weekend altogether so being able to spend time with friends was an extremely welcome distraction. I was confronted again with ghosts from the past and certain decisions had to be made that forced me to think about what happened last year. Time is running out and I can feel the pressure and tension building up. It’s freaky because on one hand I’m getting the progress I was looking for but on the other it seems to trigger a negative impatient spurt with the other party. All of a sudden decisions are made for me, or I’m forced to decide about matters that I can’t decide about until my life is reconstructed again. Reality starts hitting me hard and more often.

I can sense change, which is good, if only I can stay sane while all of this is going on putting more and more pressure on me. I noticed I no longer fight things and instead agree quietly without a word, just for the sake of it. I wonder how much one is supposed to literally lose in order to gain or win. Was it really all worth fighting for in the end? Tomorrow is exactly one year ago and if I look back all I can see are struggles: a rough sea with gales, force ten at least… How I wish to find my harbour and a beautiful calm sea where I can sit on a bench listening to the still life in front of me. How I long to have Easter breakfast accompanied by that one person who is closer to me than anyone else and yet so far away; I know he would hide eggs for me, just for me, because he wants me to be happy and be silly for a moment.

Perhaps next year…

Listening to the still life…

I’m Addicted

I think I’m addicted… to games and coffee… You see, I have this new game and I have to play it each and every day for an hour or more. It’s relaxing in a way although I still need to use my brain and think hard *hehe*. It’s Sudoku, well actually it’s Sudoku Master and it’s for my Nintendo DS. I just had my New Super Mario Bros. phase but I gave up on it because I can’t get to the next level. I’m stuck each time at the first four worlds and keep jumping into an abyss, so for the moment I can’t be bothered to eat mushrooms, kick Koopa shells or climb into clouds and jump through hoops. I’d rather use some brain power and logical thinking, it’s challenging and relaxing. I’ve finished 80 easy ones and 10 of the normal ones… I must say, the normal ones are hectic and at times it takes me 25 minutes to solve one. So if you ever need a mental challenge and you own a Nintendo DS I would say: go for it! 😎

So I ended up playing games because I really needed to relax a bit over the last week: I have been busy contacting recruitment agencies, writing emails and adjusting my CV. I also designed and built a separate online portfolio in Flash that I could show when needed. And in between jobs, I’m trying to help out Farfallina from ‘A Roam to Rome’ with some problems she ran into. Today I was called by one of the agencies and I have an appointment with them next Wednesday. They sound like a nice bunch of people so I’m happy that I can go there for a chat and register with them. I hope things will be picking up soon now and I have to admit it’s not as easy as I thought it was but I’m getting there. I guess my patience is tested once again but it feels good so I trust the process to work out just fine.

I also received a really cool gift from Christiaan and it’s sitting on my desk right next to me within reach. It’s another amazing gadget: an awesome USB cup warmer slash USB hub. I don’t know what made him think of this but I remember when I was still working at the Rietveld academy we had rules and one of them was that the students weren’t allowed to bring any kind of food or drink in. This was to avoid having to clean up the mess after them and to protect the IT facilities that we were managing. It also meant that we had to set an example so often I would have to leave my coffee at my desk, help out a student and by the time I was finished my coffee would be cold.

I have the same problem here because I just tend to forget that it’s there when I’m busy. I guess Christiaan knows me too well… 😛


Finally I can have hot coffee all day! *yay*