Tag Archives: Dream

Thursday Thoughts

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Life is still busy but good lately and I have one of those days today where I feel I have all the energy in the world to get things done that I need to have done. My appointment with the dentist went well, although I still think it’s a bit expensive but I’m not complaining and I don’t really understand the system here; more about that in another post. It’s done and I can smile again without being aware of something that shouldn’t be there. I’ve finished the web portfolio and since I’m a terrible perfectionist I had to do things right. So what I did was: ‘De puntjes op de ‘i’ zetten‘ another Dutch saying that literally translates to ‘Put the dots on the ‘i’…‘ which means, ‘Dot the i’s and cross the t’s‘. I’m happy with the result.

:-)

Last night I went to one of the local pubs where I met up with my Irish neighbour Neil and some of his friends, a couple from Australia, another neighbour and a friend of a friend of Neil. Neil bought a house down the road and moved out of the ground floor apartment two days ago. I ran into him that day when I came back from the dentist and we ended up having coffee and a chat. He invited me to join him and his friends to see someone perform at the pub. I had no idea who it was, nor did Neil and what he told me turned out to be wrong *LOL*. There were a couple of live bands playing at the pub yesterday and the main gig was Peter Case. He seems to be famous and has worked and recorded with famous people like John Hiatt and Ry Cooder.

It was a fun night out but I was surprised that someone like Peter Case would perform at my local pub of all places. I mean there are so many other venues out there, especially in London, where he could earn way more money. I think what he did is brilliant! You see, I didn’t have to pay an entrance fee and he performed for an hour and a half, that is quite rare these days! A gig is at least £30,-… There was a bowl near the door where people could put some money in for the artist, if they enjoyed the evening. You should’ve seen how much was in there! There was a crowd and it was nice to see people of all ages and walks of life… I have respect for artists like him who perform at pubs and don’t have a celeb attitude where it’s all about the money in most cases. And because of that I bought his CD to show my appreciation.

Tonight I’m invited to Neil’s housewarming party so I’ll have another fun night out. He bought a nice little house a bit further down the road, something I can only dream of for now until I have a steady income. One day soon… I’m allowed to have dreams aren’t I? *hehe* Talking about dreams, I got a really sweet email in from one of my readers and she doesn’t realise this because she doesn’t know, but she reminded me of another dream I have *thank you for reminding me!*. I must see the Northern Lights some day and I so envy people who live up north of Norway, Sweden or Finland because they have the opportunity to see this natural phenomenon more often than I do. I could go to Scotland but chances are rare. I think once I’m out of this mess I’m gonna treat myself to go and see this wonder of nature!

© Norbert Rosing, National Geographic

I’m off now: gonna reply to some more emails, build a website for a rock climber in Scotland, leave some comments for neglected fellow bloggers and then shoot off to a party… Am I hyper? Nah…

:P

Compassion

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Making things clear

Valid during several weeks: During this time you may be inclined to keep your opinions to yourself and not communicate them to others, even when you should. At the same time you may be more in touch with the hidden sides of your own personality, your unconscious drives and compulsions than at most other times.

The first of these two effects may be undesirable or inappropriate, but the ability to get at hidden areas of your character can be quite useful. The problem here is that you may feel that others will hold anything you say against you. And this may be true, especially if your words are motivated by petty ego concerns. But it is even more likely that what you don’t say will be held against you, so it is very important at this time to say everything that has to be said.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today: Mercury in the 12th House 12, activity period from 28 December 2007 until end of February 2008.

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I don’t know what’s wrong today, well yes I do know, I just ain’t gonna write down the details. But since it seems to be important today to make things clear I’d better give it a try. I’ll write down feelings and thoughts instead and perhaps I can come up with some answers. I feel like I lost something that was very important to me, I feel like someone punched me in my stomach, I feel powerless, I feel like I tried everything that I possibly could to help from where I am and yet I’m left with this hurt inside, feeling gutted and having lots of questions in my head.

And because of this I had a freaking headache and weird dreams all night, vivid ones, scary ones. I was trying to survive hanging from one of these propeller driven airplanes and at some point lying on one of the wings trying to hold on to anything I could grab while the plane was looping. All I could see was the pilot’s face and the horizon changing angle all the time. Seconds [or minutes or hours?] later I was trying to save a boat from sinking while a serious gale was going on. I was running around getting people off the boat and saving this little girl’s life. I can’t remember how it all ended, I guess for a reason…

At times I wish one could dose the amount of empathy one could have for a person but I guess it only becomes more and more intense if that particular person means a lot to you. I don’t think you could ever measure empathy, I know for sure *I* can’t. Perhaps I should try to change empathy into sympathy to make my own hurt go away? A while ago my dear friend and Lama told me I should hang on to one of the gifts I was given since birth because it was precious, to me and to others as well: my compassion for my own vulnerability. She told me not to let my wall take over, but try to be me and able to experience pain with someone…

She taught me a valid lesson one of many actually: someone else doesn’t need to change to make us happy, it’s all about their imperfect relationship with the nature of reality. It is either ‘compassion’ or ‘frustration’, starting with understanding your own hidden pains instead of blaming others. So I’m left wondering whether I feel frustrated or whether it is compassion. Oh I understand my own hidden pains all too well and I must admit it’s probably a combination of both and like most things in life the balance of it seems to change every minute, but right now I have been on the compassionate side for quite some time.

And I feel that no matter how much it hurts, this isn’t really about me when I let compassion speak. So perhaps I should just experience the pain for now, just sit in pain for a while, mine and the other person’s pain without moving to hide it, fade it or fix it, until I find that balance again. I’m gonna be silent for a while, so that when I’m needed I can be there in a genuine way instead of a selfish one, or when I’m no longer needed I could let go and move on. Either way, I will gain: when you have the opportunity to pluck and savor the fruits of life that come with a bit of sacrifice then I assure you, they taste sweeter than the sweetest Rambutan!

I have a few more hours to go before it’s midnight but I’ll probably be asleep, so I wish you all a grand New Year and I hope 2008 will bring everything you wish for!

© Rob Stephenson