Tag Archives: Dad

Past Ghost

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I used to have a friend, a close friend, my best friend. We used to drive to the Belgian Ardennes to spend a week there in a log cabin or an abandoned hotel over wintertime to have a typical Belgian culinary week and some kayaking, to be away from Amsterdam city life for a few. We lived three minutes apart, we would crash at each other’s place, we used to perform in bands together and go to the usual hangouts for the jam sessions.

We were best friends for twelve years until my father ended up in hospital seven years ago. I was depending on people to drive me there because of the emotional turmoil: a 40 minutes trip by car but a 1.5 hour trip by train and bus. So I’d asked her help but she refused. She got pissed off with me over something unknown and made it clear that what she decided for me would be best for me. She’d more important things to deal with than taking me to the hospital.

A week later my father past away after being hospitalised for cancer for three months. My mum sent this best friend a ‘thank you’ card after the funeral because I asked her to. Two months later I sent her an email request to talk things out but got one line back saying: ‘not interested’. I wrote her it was okay and wished her well. Till this day, I’ve no idea what pissed her off at the time, I do know it wasn’t the first time she got all worked up about nothing.

Ever since I live in the UK she has been digging for info on me. She has checked my business website, googled me and asked a mutual friend to add her to her contacts list on this social networking website probably because she can then see non-hidden parts of my profile and what messages I’ve left for others, pictures etc. This issue has been on my mind again and I’ve been speculating about her reasons and what she’s trying to accomplish.

I’m curious to see what her next move will be and if she ‘dares’ to come even closer… Did I forgive her? Yes: I meant those ‘thank you’ words on that card and I wished her well. Would I listen to what she has to say? Yes, because telling her: ‘not interested’ would be too easy and I don’t do easy. Do I want her back in my life? Probably not… So for now, I’ll just let her have that glimpse of my life through that social website, I don’t really care.

Smooth rides are boring and I’ve run out of free ones, says the Capricorn in me… ;)

…

Jazz And Sinterklaas

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I’m listening to the Duke and Coleman Hawkins -Moody Indigo and Limbo Jazz- while working, and this thought just crossed my mind that I know two wonderful men who deepened my love for jazz. One was my dad who taught me about his connection with jazz while I was just a child. My mum never liked it and so my dad would end up sitting in his car parked in front of our home to listen to his favourite tunes. Just sitting in the car listening to jazz was a great adventure to me when I was that little girl so I would often ask him if I could come along and join him.

Having to ask him, slowly vanished over the years and twenty years later I would just sit there with him listening, each drawn into our own world, staring at what was going on around us. Not saying a word just enjoying that very moment. Not as often as in the past, since I moved out when I started my study in Amsterdam but still it was always our moment together. I wanted to pay him my last respects by playing some jazz at his funeral, ‘of course’ I wasn’t allowed to…

Yesterday I received a sweet eCard with a typical Sinterklaas scene from a friend, bless him for remembering half of my roots while they’re so different from his. Tomorrow is Sinterklaas evening so to all my Dutch friends: have a wonderful Sinterklaas. Last year I received a kilo bag of delicious Kruidnootjes covered in chocolate. This year I decided to bake them myself because I shouldn’t forget my roots and I’d like to celebrate just because I can *hehe*. I looked up the recipe and will bake a few batches to give to my Dutch friends here in London.

It’s been a typical wet English day with a sun peeking between the clouds every now and then, but I don’t mind, I have jazz to enjoy while in my head I’m dancing to ‘Limbo Jazz’ and I have a relaxing baking session to look forward to tomorrow or perhaps tonight.

For those Dutch out there who wish to do the same, the recipe is below.

My sky earlier today… while I tried to bask in the sunshine

Speculaaskruiden:

Grounded nutmeg [2 g], ginger [1 g], cardamom [0.5 g], white pepper [1 g], cloves [2 g], and cinnamon [15 g]

Kruidnootjes:

Flour 185 g

Baking powder 1 teaspoon

Brown sugar 85 g

Speculaaskruiden 15 g

Pinch of salt

Butter, refrigerated 125 g

Mix flour, brown sugar, speculaaskruiden, baking powder and salt in a bowl. Add the butter bit by bit and knead into a firm dough. Leave it to rest for half an hour. Heat oven: 150 C/310 F. Use baking paper or a greased baking tray. Form small balls of dough [+/- 1 cm Ø] and place them on the tray, not too close to each other. Bake for about 20 minutes then leave to cool. If you like you can dip them in melted chocolate…

Et voilà, there’s your homemade Kruidnootjes *hehe* Have a good weekend!