Tag Archives: Change

Easter Eggs

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I’m still recovering from an intense Easter Sunday so I’m not sure if what I will write in my post will make any sense. I guess I shouldn’t even try… Yesterday I went over to MvdM. and W.’s to spend the day there: eating, drinking, playing silly games and having fun. It’s been a while since I’ve had tears of laughter watching a guy doing a lap dance and totally cracking me up. It’s been a while since I took the piss out of friends because they couldn’t stand losing a silly game[s]. I came home at 06.45 this morning feeling totally knackered and ready to catch up on some sleep. After six hours of rest I still feel like I’m not on this planet so I haven’t done much today which is ok I guess. I’m just gonna have a slow day/evening and relax a bit.

MvdM. and W. cooked a lovely dinner yesterday and for the third time in my life I had lamb, which to some might seem as something not worth mentioning, but since this is the country of ‘lamb dinners’, admitting to anyone British, that you don’t like lamb is like committing an offence. So when MvdM. mentioned it the other day, I cautiously tried to explain to him that it’s not really one of my favourite dishes [shank], but I was willing to give it a try. I don’t like the strong flavour and the only two times I had it, the meat was either barbecued [chops] or minced [shish kebab]. Anything that is slightly gamey puts me off but I tried and I must say, I kind of liked it, although I probably would never order it at a restaurant. I had a traditional Sunday roast and it was good but I’d rather watch those lambs being silly.

It’s weird but even though I had a great Easter I can’t shake off that feeling of realisation and feeling sad on days like these. I had a tough, long, four-days-weekend altogether so being able to spend time with friends was an extremely welcome distraction. I was confronted again with ghosts from the past and certain decisions had to be made that forced me to think about what happened last year. Time is running out and I can feel the pressure and tension building up. It’s freaky because on one hand I’m getting the progress I was looking for but on the other it seems to trigger a negative impatient spurt with the other party. All of a sudden decisions are made for me, or I’m forced to decide about matters that I can’t decide about until my life is reconstructed again. Reality starts hitting me hard and more often.

I can sense change, which is good, if only I can stay sane while all of this is going on putting more and more pressure on me. I noticed I no longer fight things and instead agree quietly without a word, just for the sake of it. I wonder how much one is supposed to literally lose in order to gain or win. Was it really all worth fighting for in the end? Tomorrow is exactly one year ago and if I look back all I can see are struggles: a rough sea with gales, force ten at least… How I wish to find my harbour and a beautiful calm sea where I can sit on a bench listening to the still life in front of me. How I long to have Easter breakfast accompanied by that one person who is closer to me than anyone else and yet so far away; I know he would hide eggs for me, just for me, because he wants me to be happy and be silly for a moment.

Perhaps next year…

Listening to the still life…

A Radical Reappraisal

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I looked this up on my fav website, it’s yesterdays chart… Can’t be a coincidence. The moon is pulling the strings again. I’m going into hiding mode now, just had to share this since it is exactly what has been going on from 25th till today. Whenever things are tense and I can’t really explain how I feel, I check out this website and it never failed on giving me the exact explanation.
I’m now officially in hiding mode until the moon changes phase and I can face the outside world again, speak again sooner or later emoticons/sad.gif
A radical reappraisal
On this day you will probably have difficulty relating to others, feeling cool and reserved even toward those you love. The problem is that you will have to spend today reevaluating what you are getting out of your relationships and what you are putting into them. You will have a strong awareness of yourself as an independent, even isolated human being, realizing that no one can really get inside of you and feel what you feel. Obviously, this can lead to loneliness and depression, but it can also lead to a radical reappraisal of your life and to a sober consideration of yourself as a human being relating to other human beings. It is necessary to separate yourself from the illusions that run through even the best relationship and to look at what is really there.
The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Venus Square Saturn exact at 12:29
Activity period from 25 December 2006 to 27 December 2006
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Een totaal andere kijk
Vandaag kost het u moeite met uw medemensen in contact te komen: u bent gereserveerd en afstandelijk, zelfs ten aanzien van uw geliefden. De moeilijkheid ligt in het feit dat u tijd nodig hebt om na te denken over het evenwicht in uw relaties: wat krijgt u en wat geeft u. U bent zich sterk bewust van uw individualiteit en zelfs van uw isolement als menselijk wezen; u hebt het gevoel dat niemand werkelijk in uw huid kan kruipen en kan voelen wat u voelt. Dit leidt soms tot eenzaamheid en depressie, doch het kan eveneens tot resultaat hebben dat u een totaal andere kijk op uw leven en uw relaties met anderen krijgt. Het is noodzakelijk dat u zich losmaakt van alle illusies die verbintenissen nu eenmaal aankleven en dat u de werkelijkheid onder ogen ziet.
Voor vandaag geselecteerde transit:
Venus Vierkant Saturnus exact op 12:29
Werkende periode van 25 december 2006 tot 27 december 2006