Life can be strange at times and I find myself in my deep-thinkers mode quite often lately because of this. I have a love-hate relationship with myself if I am thinking too deep and/or too much. I seek answers that I will probably never find. There are no answers to the ‘why’ questions, it’s ‘simply’ a matter of acceptance. Reading that bit makes the Capricorn in me bounce on the top of that slippery mountain. He doesn’t care if he’ll fall off and break his legs… So far he always seemed to survive somehow and he knows he might get hurt bouncing off a mountain but isn’t that the thrill of it all? Isn’t that what makes life interesting and exciting?
Another part is the careful Capricorn who plans his steps ahead, he knows that if it rains the rocks get wet and slippery. He will stop and look for shelter while chewing on a tin, someone ignorant left behind in a previous chapter, trying to digest what is impossible. He’s the kind of Capricorn that would like to play safe, no games, no struggles, no risks. A shelter and some rocks, that’s all there is to it. He’ll grow his winter coat when it gets cold and lonely at the top. He doesn’t care, he’s got his safety and will probably try to digest the impossible for the rest of his silly Goats life.
When I had this turning point in 2002 I realised that at times you do need to bounce and stop chewing on what is impossible to digest. This other Capricorn who left me that year showed me that bouncing is the best you could do in order to feel alive. He told me once, he had so many plans still, but he had been the careful type and forgot all about bouncing. He wanted to though but he was getting older and things would scare him more often and more easily. I will never forget the glow in his eyes, the sparkle when he told me about his bouncing plans… I miss him!
Before he left on his trip to Nirvana he gave me something valuable that I will treasure for the rest of my life. He taught me not to wait for ever for things to happen but live each day as it comes. He wanted me to bounce even though he knew I would get hurt along the way. He even pushed me to bounce because he could tell it was the only thing that would truly make me happy. So let me break my legs, let me get hurt again, it doesn’t matter you see. At least I was willing to jump in at the deep end and no one would’ve been able to change my mind, I would do it again…
Thát… is freedom baby!
