Well, I’m getting ready to go to hospital this Thursday and have the biopsy and surgery done. Filling out all the forms and making a list of what to bring. I’ll have to do this once again on my own, because it seems that I’m a single woman again since Monday.
It wasn’t my choice and it still isn’t but I reckon if there seems to be no other option according to the ‘ex’ other half than what is left to fight for? I would only end up getting more hurt than I already am. So I face the facts and try to start a life on my own out here or anywhere, I don’t know yet. The dream of doing this together has been shattered, so I reckon I have my own journey from now on.
I won’t make a list of what I gave up on along the line because realising that will only make things harder, let’s just say it’s a lot, basically my entire life. I just hope there will be some kind of replacement that will bring me the type of security that I need, the same security that I [thought I] had and that made me help decide to give up my life in the Lowlands and start it in London. So I really miss my friends and family at the moment.
I’m gonna deal with pain in the next few days mentally and physically, let’s hope I’ll be able to post something more positive soon. I’m trying to keep my chin up but I might not succeed at times, that’s because I’m not flawless, I never pretended to be…
Category Archives: Mind Tricks
Standby
A. is going to be on standby all weekend, starting Friday afternoon… He told me he will receive about 30 calls during the day and night *nice* He said:”you are going to be grumpy and pissed off with me…” So far we have been lucky while still in the Lowlands we only had one serious night in three years where I had no sleep at all. All the other times were fine, just a few calls mostly during the day and one or two during the night. I would get up as well and spend some time working on projects, I don’t really mind as long as I get some sleep.
This time will be different; his colleagues told him that he will have to get some sleep whenever possible, daytime or night-time, by the sound of it it is going to be hectic… I won’t get pissed off with him, after all it’s not his fault that computers are not flawless, nor are people. I dread this weekend though [and the next; same thing] because I do need some sleep and I will be grumpy once I’m in my REM phase, suffering from temporary paralysis and peaking brain activity and some moron who doesn’t have a life decides to page mine.
I reckon IT goes hand in hand with sleepless nights and I better have my projects ready so I can work on it while my brain seems to be peaking, I might come up with some really cool ideas…