Category Archives: Friends

Easter Eggs

Posted on by

I’m still recovering from an intense Easter Sunday so I’m not sure if what I will write in my post will make any sense. I guess I shouldn’t even try… Yesterday I went over to MvdM. and W.’s to spend the day there: eating, drinking, playing silly games and having fun. It’s been a while since I’ve had tears of laughter watching a guy doing a lap dance and totally cracking me up. It’s been a while since I took the piss out of friends because they couldn’t stand losing a silly game[s]. I came home at 06.45 this morning feeling totally knackered and ready to catch up on some sleep. After six hours of rest I still feel like I’m not on this planet so I haven’t done much today which is ok I guess. I’m just gonna have a slow day/evening and relax a bit.

MvdM. and W. cooked a lovely dinner yesterday and for the third time in my life I had lamb, which to some might seem as something not worth mentioning, but since this is the country of ‘lamb dinners’, admitting to anyone British, that you don’t like lamb is like committing an offence. So when MvdM. mentioned it the other day, I cautiously tried to explain to him that it’s not really one of my favourite dishes [shank], but I was willing to give it a try. I don’t like the strong flavour and the only two times I had it, the meat was either barbecued [chops] or minced [shish kebab]. Anything that is slightly gamey puts me off but I tried and I must say, I kind of liked it, although I probably would never order it at a restaurant. I had a traditional Sunday roast and it was good but I’d rather watch those lambs being silly.

It’s weird but even though I had a great Easter I can’t shake off that feeling of realisation and feeling sad on days like these. I had a tough, long, four-days-weekend altogether so being able to spend time with friends was an extremely welcome distraction. I was confronted again with ghosts from the past and certain decisions had to be made that forced me to think about what happened last year. Time is running out and I can feel the pressure and tension building up. It’s freaky because on one hand I’m getting the progress I was looking for but on the other it seems to trigger a negative impatient spurt with the other party. All of a sudden decisions are made for me, or I’m forced to decide about matters that I can’t decide about until my life is reconstructed again. Reality starts hitting me hard and more often.

I can sense change, which is good, if only I can stay sane while all of this is going on putting more and more pressure on me. I noticed I no longer fight things and instead agree quietly without a word, just for the sake of it. I wonder how much one is supposed to literally lose in order to gain or win. Was it really all worth fighting for in the end? Tomorrow is exactly one year ago and if I look back all I can see are struggles: a rough sea with gales, force ten at least… How I wish to find my harbour and a beautiful calm sea where I can sit on a bench listening to the still life in front of me. How I long to have Easter breakfast accompanied by that one person who is closer to me than anyone else and yet so far away; I know he would hide eggs for me, just for me, because he wants me to be happy and be silly for a moment.

Perhaps next year…

Listening to the still life…

A Thought [or Three]…

Posted on by

I’ve noticed something a while ago and have been thinking whether I should write a post about this or not but it has been on my mind for some time and I would like to hear other people’s opinion as well. I have discussed it with fellow bloggers [who will remain anonymous] at some point when we met up. I asked them if it was just me but they confirmed my feelings by telling me that they experienced something similar, so I decided to indeed write down my thoughts since after all, this is my blog and I can write whatever I feel like…

8-)

Which is exactly what my first thought is about… I’m not going to pretend to be happy when I’m not. I’m not pretending I never had or have ‘heated’ discussions because after all I’m a passionate person. I’m not going to pretend to be all positive while I might be feeling slightly negative on a particular day when I happen to write a post. Basically what you see -in this case ‘read’- is what you get. That might be a typical Dutch trait but at least it’s one I’m proud of since what you get is honesty as opposed to some -in my opinion- unreal blogs that are out there trying to make things look much nicer than they [probably] are in reality.

Which takes me to my next thought. I’ve noticed some kind of in-crowd in the blogosphere… People who collect your link from a popular blog: add a link on theirs to yours and expect to be linked back to them without ever notifying you, visiting your blog, let alone leave a comment or say at least ‘hi’. True copycats: they hope to get traffic in that way. I check my statistics and I know who visits this blog on a regular basis. I don’t mind quiet readers and I don’t mind when my blog is linked to others. But like in real life it would be nice to at least introduce yourself and say something… but you see, somehow I can even understand that, after all there are shy people in this world as well, so I accept it.

On to my final thought: what I fail to understand is that typical thirteen-year-old kind of playground behaviour where one person [or in this case, ‘the in-crowd’] is so desperately trying to be the most popular of all: collecting links to blogs just to lift on the other’s blog popularity and to get the odd extra comment in. Or they seem to be thriving on the attention they get from visitors who regard them as some divine being. And then true nature shows when they seem to be stepped on their cute little sensitive toes [yes somehow divine beings seem to have extremely sensitive toes!] when the ‘favour’ has not been returned, followed by instant removal of their link to yours. It’s such childish behaviour that it amuses me to a certain level.

I would like to emphasise that I started writing this blog for myself and myself only, then when I moved from the Lowlands to London it started to shift from personal diary to a way to keep my friends and family updated about my expat life over here, a place to record my thoughts and feelings. Then after some time it started to slightly shift again since I started to meet fellow bloggers online and I would leave comments on their blog to get to know them or show my interest in what they had to tell or show. Which often resulted into exchanging links based on mutual appreciation and/or interest. I appreciate real people, those who are not afraid of having an opinion. Those who are not hiding behind masks or pretend to be someone they’re not, people I can relate to.

But you see, this blog is still here for the same purpose after years of writing, which is for me and yes I do feel flattered if people read it and show me they’re interested in what I have to say and leave me a nice comment [or not]. I’m grateful for those who became online friends but like in real life, it takes an effort to become one. And I really don’t feel the need to ‘collect’ or ‘be collected’ by those who are out there just to win lost souls. I don’t need a ‘crowd of followers’ to know that I can be someone, I already am someone, I am defined by me… So the last thing I need is being part of an immature kind of cult that seems to be going on in some parts of this blogosphere. I never wanted to be involved with that playground behaviour when I was twelve or thirteen and I still don’t want to these days, unlike some, I did grow up.