Author Archives: Zesty Gal

A Matter of Sorting…

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I’ve been sorting out this blog on and off for some time now. Ever since I’ve moved it from Movable Type to WordPress it became a bit of a mess. Movable Type had no easy option to convert the format to that of WordPress so I had to clean out all sorts of code. Still doing this whenever I have a moment. Having written a blog for 10+ years is a lot to digest and not just in this particular perspective.

Whenever I’m cleaning out code I end up reading old posts, some I have hidden, some I wanted to delete (although I haven’t) because they’re no longer accurate. They’re still a part of me and they do show how I felt at the time. Some made me extremely emotional the moment I realised what I’d been through and what I’ve had to deal with over the years. Others made me realise that I did what needed to be done…

And I’m proud of myself for doing so. I guess at times I tend to forget what happened since it’s much easier to think about the happy stuff. It also made me realise that some of my ‘best friends’ are no longer my best friends. I took my distance because they were judging me or judging the situation I was in instead of giving me the support and most of all the trust that I could handle things myself without all the well intended ‘good advice’.

I knew I could do it, I knew I could climb out of the hole and get things back in order. I knew I could focus as long as I could believe in my strength to do so. And I did… Life is hectic and I have little time but I miss writing a lot since it’s a way to clear my head and put things in perspective, hence this post. I’ve promised myself to write more often although I realise that I’ve mentioned the same in my last post, this time I need to do this: for me.

I guess I’ve been a tad disappointed with certain people and the way they treated me. I guess I expected them to believe in me since I had it all planned in my head. They did not show their support though, all they did was either criticize me or simply deny everything that was going on. I was tired of having to answer to them so I stopped doing this. The only one I had to answer to was me as I am responsible for my own actions.

It’s a shame that there has to be jealousy instead, it’s a shame that they envy my strength, it’s a shame that they cannot be happy for me and that there seems to be the tendency to ignore everything I have accomplished over the last three years. I do not understand their behaviour but I’ve promised myself not to worry about it, or even think about it because it is taking energy that I’d better use on positive things.

I’m happy and that’s all that matters. Of course there are certain issues that could use change but it will come in time and I’m not rushing to make these changes. Most of it is career-wise. I’m grateful that I have a job, although I work 12 hours a day at the moment having to travel back and forth. It’s a project that is fun and the contract has been extended twice already so I don’t mind.

The team that I work with are a bunch of funny geeks who appreciate what I’m doing which makes it all worth the trouble of having to commute daily. What was supposed to be a two months project already turned into a five months project and it wouldn’t surprise me if that would be extended by another two months. There’s still lots of work to do but I’m enjoying all of it. My designs, expertise and skills are highly valued which is greatly rewarding.

I’m sorting… in more than one perspective and I feel happy doing so :)

Where to start?

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I guess… where I left off…

Much has changed since and much still continues to change. I’ve had a one-year contract offered after I’ve had a second interview and after I had to successfully complete an extremely difficult (IQ) test. But then the financial crisis hit this country again and I had to wait for a year until I got hired. I now have an indefinite contract and I’ve been with this company for over a year already. I have different roles for different projects at different companies. My last project started at the beginning of this year and will finish by the end of this month. They might extend the project so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I’ve been doing serious soul searching for a long time and found out that whenever I focus on something that I really want, I will get it. Life has been another rough ride in the meantime but I guess everyone has their ups and downs. I’m living in the city again that I once had left to move countries. I feel I have a love-hate relationship with it since I can’t get used to the crowded streets, the noise, the aggression and the egocentric attitude of most. At times I do not feel at home here at all but I guess that has to do with the fact that I had moved countries. I feel I don’t belong here and it’s a restless feeling.

Life made a 360 for me and I guess that had all to do with being focused on getting things back, start allover again from scratch and write a new chapter in a new book. But some chapters probably will remain the same even in a new book… I’ve received a letter a few days ago from someone dear to me, someone who has been there for me whenever I needed to talk to her. Someone who helped me when I had worries or when I couldn’t see a silver lining. The letter said she had been ill for two months, ill from chemotherapy since she had been treated for malignant bone cancer.

It came as a total shock to me and I guess I still am in shock in a way. I’m going to write a letter because I haven’t spoken with her in a year. I was too preoccupied (…) She doesn’t want people to call which I can understand. So writing(!) is the best I can do for now. I just didn’t find the right paper yet because I want it to be something special. Stuff like that makes you think and I mean really think… So that’s probably why I felt the need to write a first post again in years. I’ve had the urge for a while already but I kept postponing it. Silly -I know- but each time I tried, something got in the way and I had to set other priorities.

I really really needed the break and this is hopefully the start of that new chapter. More to come soon…