Friends, are supposed to stick around through thick and thin… Friends, are supposed to be there for you when you hang your head because things are tough… Friends, are supposed to support you when you feel lost and you’re struggling to find the path again… Friends, are supposed to show they believe in you whenever you’ve forgotten how to believe in yourself… Friends, are those who keep their promises no matter what…
Friends are not those who don’t stay in touch with you because you no longer are the warm-hearted one who lives abroad. So the novelty has worn off along with the imaginary neon hotel sign that offered a free stay including food and drinks. They’re definitely not those who owe you a large sum of money ever since you moved abroad and who are now refusing any cooperation to pay back the debt knowing you’ve been waiting for four years whilst putting your trust in them to meet the obligations.
Friends are also not those who don’t have the word ‘courtesy’ in their vocabulary, who keep making promises but never keep their word or lack the decency to even say ‘thank you’ whenever you made the effort to do something extra. Nor are friends the ones who can’t be bothered to ask how you’re doing. Or who refuse to send/reply -on a regular basis- to your emails or those who don’t show that they actually care about you and what is going on in your life by simply being interested.
I quoted in a comment not too long ago, it was part of something I read online: When people who profess to be our friends don’t behave in these ways, we feel angry and betrayed. Perhaps they were never our friends at all. Perhaps they were only out to use us. But our faulty expectations may have caused us to perceive them as being more committed to true friendship than they really were. I’m sure that is true but it can’t be that I’ve been deceived by certain friends for over 10 years right? What did I miss?
A professional said to me: why would you call a person a friend if he or she refuses to pay the money they owe you? Why are you still being nice and trying to only look at things from their perspective and not your own? And that was just one example that I’d told him about but I knew he was right. He hit the nail on the head… I’m changing: a shift in attitude and taking action, I’m tired of so-called friends. There’s one loose end still and I’m gonna get a solicitor over time to fix that, I’ve already been to one.
Don’t get me wrong… There are still a few left who do care, it’s something that doesn’t need reassurance and I treasure these few and they know this because I have told them. They have been there through thick and thin in every possible shape: a beautiful handwritten letter, a personal gift with just the right words, a phone call and/or some emails. Some from abroad some from the Lowlands. Some from people I haven’t met in real life *just yet*.
But they’re in my heart and perhaps I should tell them again how much I appreciate them!
© (?) – Thank you for being a true friend!
Being a friend is tough and not everyone is up to it, that’s why one can only have a few real friends in life. There are people out there who claim to be friends or who we call friends and are only so during the good times but when harship, illness and suffering comes your way they are nowhere to be seen. They are too busy. Too busy even to reply to an email or make a phone call. Do you remember that link I posted some time ago on my blog about a famous writer who felt guilty because she was consciously not there for her ‘friend’ who was dying of cancer? It’s sad but human selfishness knows very few boundaries if at all.
It’s hurtful but it’s better to be always separating the wheat from the chaff. It will help us to focus our energy on the people who are really worth the time. Of course, the most important thing is to devote more time on ourselves and those things that we love doing and then if friends, real friends want to share those experiences then they are welcome
I’m not sure if being a friend is tough… if I look at myself I know I’m not the type of person to stay in touch often, it’s just not my thing. I send the odd email every now and then and yes… I do reply to emails from friends and don’t leave them unattended or unanswered. But I’m not the type of friend who writes/calls once a week to see how someone is doing.
I think my friends are the kind of friends who know what I’m like, who don’t need to stay in touch on a weekly basis either. The moment we are in touch, we totally enjoy that moment and make the best of that particular moment by having a great time together and chat forever to catch up on things.
At the same time, I know that I can call my friends even in the middle of the night if I have problems and they know they can call me as well and they have (yes at four in the morning). So we know exactly where we stand and we’ve accepted this from each other. Yes I remember your link, I was in exactly the same situation when my father was dying and no friend around to ask how I was doing…
Even now Wen, I have yet to receive a phone call from another friend it’s been almost a year since she bothered to ask about me. But you’re right… I should put myself first and spend more time on ‘me’ (which is what I have been doing lately!) and it feels much better, hence my assertive mood today